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Monday, April 23, 2007 I want to erase you in my memory>The thought of you brings a tinge of pain in my heart. I wish I hadn’t known you. I wish I hadn’t loved you.
Every time you cross my mind, I ask myself why you left me in the dark all of a sudden. It’s always a long cry of desperation – desperation of wanting you back, of wanting to change all I have done and should have done for you, of the words I’ve said and should have said. I wanted to change the whole scenario entirely.
And if I did?
I wouldn’t experience the joys and pains of “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I wouldn’t have experienced the unending supply of God’s comfort, love and grace for a poor little fellow like me who was dumped by a stranger. I wouldn’t have known myself better. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have learned lessons God has been teaching me all years.
No. I don’t want to erase you in my memory. In fact, if ever I see you some time some where in the future, I’d thank you…
You made me a stronger woman.
Sunday, December 03, 2006 Spell V-i-c-t-o-r-y!>I’m finally over in my battle called “Depression.” I experienced this roller coaster of emotions a few years back when I did nothing but cry every time I go back to our dorm. Everything was normal in school but when I was alone in my room I cry and cry and cry. I actually forgot how I got over it.
And just recently, I have been experiencing the same feeling. I refused to face the real issue. I just went on with my life until I finally realized that I need to do something about it. My work had been affected; my family and even my relationship with other people dear to my heart had been affected. My attitude towards everything and everybody had changed.
One day, I decided to face it. I sat down and painfully figured out what was causing it. Perhaps it was about the big goals I set for myself and literally none of them materialized. Have you experienced it when right after graduation, you are so excited to conquer the world and then you realize it’s not that easy? I felt that when my plans failed, I refused to stand up and start over. I was pretty satisfied with my diagnosis. So as I battled with depression, I started to gather myself and devised another plan to reach my goals. It was realistic enough. But you know what? There was still no peace in my heart. At that moment, God shook my heart and made me realize that the failure in my goals isn’t the core reason for my loneliness. It was my relationship with God slowly falling apart. At first, I didn’t feel the weight of going astray and turning my back to Him. But when I was far far away, that’s when I realized how precious God is in my life. Before I try to deal with other areas of my life, I must first fix my relationship with Him.
There is no greater joy that being with God! I am overjoyed that in spite of me neglecting God, he still did not give up on me. And now, I can finally say… God made me victorious in this battle!
All glory and praise to God!
Sunday, August 27, 2006 Yes darling, you are tattooed on my mind>Baby you'll soon forget about all,or maybe you'll miss it like I do.One thing's for sure I'm on a doubt, spend too much time thinkin' of youchorusAnd I can't get you out of my dreamsNow I know that you're the dangerous kindAnd your smile is tattooed on my mindAnd I can't get you out of my dreamsDon't wanna write,I don't wanna call,I would not know what to sayIt should be youThat's how I want it to beTell me you feel the same waychorusAnd I can't get you out of my dreamsNow know that you're a danger first kindAnd your smile is tattooed on my mindAnd I can't get you out of my dreams...oh!Oh, Yesterday, I was feelin' safe, oh All I do today is tryin' to be BRAVEand no melody can seem to suit my mind...and now I curse you for being so sweet and so kindchorusAnd I can't get you out of my dreamsNow I know that you're a dangerous kindAnd your face is tattooed on my mindAnd I can't get you out of my dreams..Yes I know you're tattooed On my mind you're tattooed
Dreaming of you>(Anong kahibangan ito.. Im dreaming of you tonight...)
Late at night when all the world is sleeping I'd stay up and think of you And I'd wish on a star That somewhere you are thinking of me too Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me Wonder if you even see me And I wonder if you know I'm there If you looked in my eyes Would you see what's inside? Would you even care? I just wanna hold you close But so far, all I have are dreams of you So, I wait for the day and the courage to say How much I love you(Yes, I do) I'll be dreaming of you tonight Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin Late at night when all the world is sleeping I'd stay up and think of you And I still can't believe that you came up to me And said, "I love you; I love you too" Now I'm dreaming with you tonight Till tomorrow, and for all of my life And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Then here in my room, Dreaming with you endlessly...
Monday, August 14, 2006 Even only in my dream>When I opened my eyes, I came to realize that it was just a dream.
It was so real… I thought you were mine. I thought I will have you in my arms forever. I cant forget those few but precious moments I shared with you. I will keep them in a special place in my heart.
And now, every time I close my eyes and think of you, I cant help but smile. You made me happy even just for a while.
You are so far away now—in a place I can never get back to. I must realize that I am in the world of reality and you are in the world of dreams. I know I cant have you back in my world. But I thank God He made me meet you…even only in my dream.
Saturday, August 05, 2006 Barbie Almalbis and Rocksteddy> Hello MusicFreak, We are inviting you to rock with us! Come and see with your friends how Barbie Almalbis and Rocksteddy rock God's House...
Text me for more info 0920 2415194
Monday, July 03, 2006 Ang ganda naman nitong dalwang to...> Epang and Vivi
Saturday, July 01, 2006 A Walk with Carlo this morning>My version of A Walk to Remember...
As always, its a sunny morning. I did wear my sunblock so Im safe under my umbrella.
Wait, is that him? He was like an ant from afar. But though my eyes dont see him clearly, my heart does. Oh geeeh, its him! Suddenly, my heart started to beat fast. Please dont let him see me, Lord. I dont want to walk with him. What are we going to talk about? A lot of thoughts came rushing in.
But even before I could think more, I heard his voice.
Hi Viv! Good morning! Its a nice morning, isnt it?
I thought I would die with heart attack but I still managed to answer, It always is.
This morning was the best quiet time I ever had. The Lord has been so great, he said.
I remember the day I asked him out of the blue if he was a Christian. I saw stars flying around him when he said yes. Now, I know what Cloud 9 really is. Could he be my Mr. Right? Gods Best, is that you?
He continued, Anyway, I know its unlikely to talk to you about a serious matter early this morning but..
Oh no! What is he gonna tell me! I dont want to hear anything.
Did he spot me when my jaw dropped the first time I saw him in school? Did he notice that it was a conspiracy between me and Tin that is why he ended up beside me at lunch the other day? Did he feel that I was smiling at him more than anyone else in school? Did our headmaster talk to him about teacher-student relationship? I dont know. I dont want to know.
I was wondering if I could invite you out for dinner. Is there a possibility that I will get a yes? he finally blurted out.
I wanted to slap myself. Is this a dream? If it is I dont want to wake up forever! Is this really happening?!?!?!!?!? Is he actually asking me out?!?!
YES YES YES!!! My heart shouted. I want to grab his hand and tell him I LOVE YOU! I am ready to marry you anytime. You can have me forever. My heart is yours!
But conservative as I am, I pretended to be a Maria Clara and acted as if I was scanning my schedule in my head.
I smiled first and said, That would be nice. Sure.
I just want to thank you for being so nice to me. I was so depressed when I got here. I never told anyone in school about this but I moved to the Philippines because I wanted to get away with something.
Which is..? I asked. Hmmm.. what could that be?
I just broke up with my girlfriend. It was a huge fight that I thought of ending my life. I cant live without her.
Almost teary eyed I said, Sorry to hear that.
Its ok. Well yeah. Its ok now. We both realized we love each other. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I asked her to marry me last night. Amazing! It was the best day of my life. Of course she said yes. God is really good. Always.
Great.. it was all I could say.
Ouch!
* The Girl *
Let me just quote some friends descriptions of who Viviene is… (these are some of my favorites).....
it's easy
to like her then love her afterwards...
a vivid personality. striking and full
of life. a woman who will definitely
make a hit on her chosen career.
super sweet, charming and a real friend...
She
can be stranded in Africa with no
money, but somehow make it home
safely to Manila with her eyes closed.
How does she do this? Nobody will
ever know, but you will always enjoy
trying to figure out life's puzzles with
her...
* Favorites*
Lea Salonga... Breakfast Supersize, Straight Talk, Look for Less, Who's wedding is it anyway, Apprentice and Ambush Makeover... Studio 23, Lifestyle Channel, Living Asia and NNK... A Walk to Remember... My Immortal and Grow old with you... Chocolate Chips, Pizza, Red Tortillos and champorado with lotsa milk, KFC Chicken BBQ Burger and brownies, Mister Donut Torte, Goldilocks Choco Rumble and Polvoron... Purple and Pink
* Loves *
Mama... Papa... Mommy... Kuya... Marchelle... Tanya... Kyle... Kuya Mark and Ate Lyn... Vargases... Franciscos... Sailor Warriors... Camella Girls... Acacians... 5 and uppers... Room 7... Tita’s girls... B8... CA4... Bantay Bata... MKM... CCC... PURE... MME... Sanprep... Paragon... CCF... Dgroupers... Singles... Jabez Teachers and Students
* Loathes *
Cockroach! (end of story)
* Wishlist *
Enough money to travel around the world... enough patience to study Japanese and Spanish... enough intellect to memorize the globe and Psalm 119... enough height to conquer Ms. Universe... enough beauty to pass a commercial audition... enough talent to win an acting and hosting award... enough love to keep my husband away from infidelity... enough strength and wisdom to discipline my future kids... But dont worry I have enough God who makes me happy moment by moment
* etc *
Teaching is something I enjoy. Acting is something I love.
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